BECCA
accused
A woman who has never, not once, called it a night.
Ladies and gentlemen, be upstanding for Becca — a woman who will "just pop to the loo" and come back forty minutes later having made three new best friends and lost one shoe.
You've never met a group photo you didn't need to be in, never sent a text shorter than a paragraph, and not once — NOT ONCE — been the one to say "shall we call it a night?".
Thirty years of being gloriously, chaotically you, and we have loved every unhinged minute.
The charges against you
How do you plead? (Guilty. Obviously guilty.)
"I'm not drinking tonight." Narrator: she was, in fact, drinking tonight.
Has cried at an advert, a stranger's dog, and every single one of our birthdays.
Still can't parallel park, but will happily give a running commentary on yours.
Submitted into the record
no comment
she started it
Winner: Last One Standing, 30 years running
Presented to Becca for outstanding commitment to "just one more", legendary refusal to leave a party, and services to lost footwear nationwide.
Here's to the loudest laugh in the room, the paragraph texts, the missing shoe, the girl who cries at a stranger's dog and somehow makes best friends in the queue. You never once said "shall we go?" — thank god, or we'd have missed the best of it. Thirty years of beautiful chaos, Becs: we wouldn't change a single messy bit.
Underneath the lost shoes and the forty-minute loo trips is the most generous, warm-hearted, ride-or-die woman we know. You show up. You cry with us. You never let us go home too early. Honestly — we'd be lost without you.